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Monday, August 13, 2012

Positive Spin on a Relationship Funk

We are in a relationship funk. At least I think we are in one. We are not as sweet and loving to each other as we once were. It really doesn't make sense because in general my husband and I see eye-to-eye when it comes to 95% of big issues. We share the same faith, we have similar parenting styles, we don't have trust issues. So we should be so blissfully into each other.

I guess sometimes work gets in the way...or life. Doesn't life sometimes just get in the way?

I spent one night reflecting on our relationship and wondering what we can change. I zoned in on the way we communicate with each other. I realized that our automatic response is to contradict what the other person is saying first. If he says something my response is "No, but....". And he does the same. This is such an automatic thing for us that we don't even know we're doing it. I do know how I feel when he does that to me. I feel competitive and I feel my ego getting bruised. My goddamn EGO.

I have a big ego. I'm trying to whittle it down to a workable size but it's pretty hard. I've been praying to God because my Ego is a source of selfishness and pride and those two things don't lead to good things. In this case, my ego makes me competitive and argumentative. When I'm in that zone I will argue with you till the sun sets and I will net back down until I win. And honestly, what kind of a relationship is that?

I then brought a proposal to him. I told him that I saw our tendency to constantly be negative in our responses to one another and that I propose an experiment seeing how we would always start our statement to the other person in a positive, agreeable way. Here's the funny thing. As I was proposing this and as I was discussing this with him, we found ourselves repeatedly being negative and contradictory to the other. It was an eye opener for sure. We vowed to work on it and touch base after 2 days. Today is the second day. And I am soooo much happier. I feel more loving towards him. I am more open to submitting to him and I am also more aware of how I respond to him.

I can't believe something so simple can have such a profound effect on a relationship.

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