The Beautiful Irony of Giving - A Late Christmas Post

My daughter loves Christmas.  My husband and I try our best to keep the focus on Jesus’ birth but I’d be the first to admit that I have not been as consistent as I should have been. As a mom I get so excited when I see all the cute toys and things that my daughter loves and the delight I know she will get when she receives these things. 

Months before Christmas 2014 I was already excitedly conversing with my daughter about the presents she hopes to receive. She was excited and I was excited to see her excited! We love spending hours in toy stores and we would make imaginary lists of things she’d like to receive. She ended up getting quite a bunch of toys that year and it seemed like what we did was harmless, until…

“Mom, I didn’t receive as many presents I liked this year”

I felt like a pail of cold water was poured on my head. I stared at her in disbelief. This is my daughter who thanked her aunt profusely upon receiving a plastic bag but now she’s complaining that she didn’t get as many presents THAT SHE LIKED? I was aghast. I am ashamed to say that I didn’t respond as well as I should have. I snapped at her. I alluded to her being ungrateful. She apologized and that conversation was soon forgotten by my daughter, but not by me.

I knew why my response was anger…anger is a topical emotion, there’s always something underneath it that’s more real. You know what was under my anger? Shame. Shame because I knew I did that to her. I knew that I made her focus on the material things that year. I vowed to change that in 2015.

When Christmas season started I did not ever talk to her about gifts she’d want to receive for Christmas that year. Not once.  There was a time when we went to a toy store to get a present for someone else and she said that she’ll be asking for a certain Barbie she saw for Christmas. I told her “You can do that but there’s no guarantee that you’ll receive it. You know how you can be sure to get it? Save for it or work for it yourself.”  

We stopped talking about what she’d want to receive instead we talked to her about the joy of giving. We talked about the happiness we saw in the faces of our relatives when they tried the cookies we gave them last year. This got Andrea excited (she really helped in making those cookies). So this year I asked her what she thinks we should give out. She chose our Oreo Cheesecake Cups. I told her I need her help in making them. She excitedly agreed. From the packaging, the creation, the purchasing of ingredients…she was part of it all. Come Christmas she was so excited to give out her treats to people!  The people appreciated the treats and expressed their gratitude to Andrea. She was beaming! She enjoyed it so much that she wanted to start planning next year’s Christmas treats!

She still ended up receiving gifts she liked from relatives and she was filled with Joy.   Because she didn’t have expectations every single present was a blessing and she was overflowing with gratitude. When we got home from the clan’s Christmas party she was so happy and tired. She was ready to go to bed but my husband and I stopped her. We said “Wait, you haven’t opened your present from us”. It was hilarious because her face was so shocked. She really didn’t think we had a present for her. Our conversation went like this:

Liv: Hon don’t sleep yet you haven’t opened our present for you!

Andrea: Huh? You have a present for me?

Liv: YEAH!

Andrea: (smiling excitedly)

Liv: You really didn’t know we had a present for you?

Andrea: No!

Liv: And you’re still so happy?

Andrea: Yes! I already have so many things I love!

(She received half the number of presents she received last year)

This really touched my heart. I saw firsthand the effect of materialism on our kids. When we make them focus on things and feeding their desires, they end up dissatisfied, discontented and unhappy. But when we shift their attention to serving and giving others they are filled with joy and a feeling of abundance. This is the beautiful irony of giving. 

Learning Plus

Book and toy hunting/shopping for my daughter has always been a frustrating experience for me. It seems that when I go shopping I encounter any one of these problems:

• -          Toys or books that I call junk food. They are inexpensive, readily available and take up a lot of our kid’s time but add no value to their mind, character, or life. I would say that around 80% of the toys I see fall into this category.
• -          Premium toys. Those that stimulate our kid’s brain and add a wealth of value to our child’s life. These toys however cost an arm and a leg! They are also incredibly hard to find.
• -          Premium yet inexpensive toys.  Like I previously mentioned these are wonderful but are pricey. There are a lot of inexpensive toys but are only available in other countries and would therefore entail going through the process of ordering online and enduring the extended wait for shipping and then crossing all your fingers that you custom doesn’t charge you an exorbitant amount when your package does arrive.

Needless to say, while I espouse and appreciate the benefits of playing and reading to our kids the limited availability of resources can be stressful. Imagine my delight when I found out that TMA Homeschool is opening its very own bookstore called Learning Plus.

Learning Plus

I hurriedly drove over to Fun Ranch where Learning Plus is located just so I could personally see what this store is all about and boy it did not disappoint. It was filled with amazing books and even more awesome educational toys (I am embarrassed to admit that I ended up buying a toy for my daughter and for myself). 

Even though Learning Plus is an offshoot of TMA Homeschool everyone is welcome to drop in and purchase the products for their kids. The books, toys and other educational materials would definitely benefit all students. Learning plus aims to have a venue that will provide kids with as many tools as possible to do better and be better.

Wonderful Offerings

Learning Plus differs from your typical Filipino book store in that every single thing inside it aims to help your child develop in Wisdom and in Character.  I would admit that my daughter and I were giddy as we looked at all the books and educational toys available. Here are some of the products we saw that really sparked our interest:

Learning about Magnets is cool. But you know what's even cooler? Testing out what you've learned by performing some tricks and experiments with this kit!

Mighty Mind and Super Mind are awesome puzzles for kids. It's such a great brain twister for young kids. My daughter has had hers for 3 years and she still enjoys it to this day. It's a great alternative to iPad games.

I am in love with this Magnetic Mighty Mind game. Perfect for long car trips or even air place rides.

Nourish your child's creativity and innovative mind with Zoob Jr!

This wonderful kit would have your child building one of Leonardo Da Vinci's inventions.

There are also books that you can use to supplement your child's textbooks, educational shows (like Magic School bus) and many more!

More to Come

Learning Plus is still at its soft opening so some products are still on their way. I was told that they're going to be selling art materials that are safe for kids! Be still my heart. 

Official Launch

I am thrilled to let people know that Learning Plus will officially open this October 16, 2015 and the launch is going to be filled with so many fun activities for parents and kids:

Hope you all could make it!

Addendum: 

If you can't make it to the launch you can still visit the shop during their regular store hours:

Tuesday to Friday from 8:30am - 3:30pm

Recommended Activity: Penguins on Ice

In my work with kids I often see kids who are adversely affected by constant exposure to technology. I encounter kids who can't sit still, kids who can't identify fact from fiction, kids who are unable to tap into their creativity/imagination, and kids with so many other issues.  Most moms are willing to stop their kids from using tablets and/or watching tv but they are now left with kids who have nothing to do! While I certainly believe that kids would thrive with just pens and papers I do understand that having some educational and fun activities around the house will help lessen the pain of being torn away from their beloved gadgets so I want to feature some activities that I highly recommend AND that my daughter enjoys.

I will begin with a toy/board game called Penguins on Ice. 

One thing I love about this toy is that it's a single player game. This is awesome for parents with only one child.  Your child can spend hours playing different challenges of increasing difficulty. Each pack comes with 60 challenges and that may seem limiting but trust me when I tell you that 60 challenges for this game is plenty.

I also appreciate how the pieces are quite big making it difficult to lose pieces. We parents all know how frustrating it can be to have an expensive toy become useless because of one tiny part gone missing. The game comes with a square plastic container holding 5 pieces or icebergs together making storing it easier.  

As you can see below, the light blue puzzle pieces will be removed from the dark blue square at the start of the game. The child (or adult) will then try to recreate the exact positioning and layout found in the challenge book. 

This may seem too simple I know but wait till you realize that the pieces can be transformed and re-shaped into various shapes making the game a bit more complicated (and more fun!). 

The game has great benefits for our kids! 

- It encourages solo play
- The increasing difficulty promotes the idea that we should always keep challenging ourselves.
- It sharpens spatial ability
- It encourages strategic thinking.
- It improves problem-solving skills.
- It can help you teach your child to compete with himself. (By challenging him to complete more challenging puzzles or do the puzzles faster)

I am just such a fan of this game! I highly recommend it to parents with kids ages 6 and above. (It might be too complex for younger kids) Check out the amazon link below for more information about the game.

Penguins on Ice Amazon Page

Raising the Standards of Our Kids

Do you ever feel so frustrated at your kids output? During one of Andrea's standardized tests her output scored around 30 points below her potential or her IQ. I was dumbfounded and extremely upset. I have tried so many things yet they don't address the heart of the issue. They don't teach Andrea how to be mindful of her work and how to critical of good work versus mediocre work.

Let me share with you 2 things I've tried one that did not really work as well as I would have wanted and one that has transformed our homeschooling tremendously.

WRITING EXERCISES:

Andrea has some fine-motor difficulties so writing is always somewhat of a pain point for us. Initially I would give her 5 pages of writing exercises a day. I saw though that she just basically rushed through the exercises just to finish them but still not learning the lesson that I had wanted her to learn. I then told her that we will only do one page a day...but it has to be perfect. If she submitted something that was poorly done then I will make her do another page. This sort of worked because she started giving me really great output...the problem was it didn't translate to excellent output in other things. I decided to try something else.

EFFORT METER:

I decided to introduce the concept of effort. I told her that what matters most to me is that she exerts the best effort possible. I told her that effort is the only thing that will guarantee competence. I then showed her this effort meter I found online:

I printed this out and showed it to her. We discussed each level. I then pulled out a writing book she had completed. We went through every page and rated it based on the amount of effort she exerted. I pulled out her artworks and she rated those as well. When it was clear that we were on the same page when it comes to rating I sat down with her and asked her: "Honey, what level of effort do you think is acceptable for your homeschool?". We decided that right now, we will be happy with GOOD EFFORT. We will make that a habit then after 6 months we will try to go one level higher.

Since we have done this exercise Andrea has been going the extra mile in her work. For a few weeks before she would show me her work I would ask her "What effort did you put in this work?" and then she would run and make adjustments. But I haven't had to do that recently by God's grace.

SOURCE OF EFFORT METER:

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Effort-Meter-PosterStudent-Self-Reflection-998304

Material Kids - 5 Ways I Teach My Daughter The Value of Things

Most of my friends see me as a calm mom. And for most parts, that would be accurate. I seldom get mad. I hardly ever shout and it takes a lot to get me upset with my daughter (or with most people for that matter).  I do however, have certain triggers -- things that are sure to spark anger or irritation in me. One is stupidity and the next is when people don't value what they have.

I struggled with the latter when it comes to Andrea. In our quest to not make her materialistic we might have gone a bit too far. Andrea cared very little about material things. She never asked for clothes. She didn't care what her clothes or shoes looked like. She wasn't careful with her books or toys.  For some time I had to figure out how I could teach her the value of money without making her too materialistic. 

Here are some things I did to help Andrea learn about taking care of things and the value of things.

1. I don't replace broken/lost/damaged things right away.

• I make sure that she feels the natural consequence of her carelessness. I went as far as letting her go to class without pencils because she forgot where she placed hers. (She never forgot them again)

2. She earns her money.

• She has an ice candy and candy business that helps her earn. This is the money she uses to buy things I normally wouldn't buy for her like books that don't teach a particular value or magazines.
• She also uses this money to purchase things she needs to replace. For example, she once lost her guitar pick. I refused to replace it (because I have already warned her about keeping that small thing safe) and told her she'll have to buy the replacement if she wanted to replace it. 

3. Smart shopping. 

• I teach Andrea to be mindful of prices. I would sometimes treat her when we are out by telling her "Okay Andrea, today you can spend 100 in this store" (or whatever amount I choose).  She will then scour the store and find something she wants. She also has an option to pass on buying that day and buy a more expensive toy or book next time. 
• The concept of money is very hard for kids to understand because it's abstract so I use concrete examples. For example, we go to 2 bookstores. I show her how 200 pesos can buy her around 5 books in the second-hand bookstore but only 1 (if she's lucky) brand new book from the other bookstore. 
• My proudest moment came when she chose to buy this book. I asked her why and she said "Well I love the Avatar and this book only costs _____ and there are 4 books inside it!" 

4. I avoid duplications. 

• If she already has crayons, then we don't buy another one. No matter how cute. 
• When we receive duplicates we either sell or donate things. 

5. I control myself.

• As parents we are often the biggest instigators for materialism. Because of our love for our kids we shower them with presents and material things that they start losing their value...and what for? To make ourselves feel better? Because we didn't have those things as kids and we want our kids to have them? These reasons are not bad in moderation...but excessively they lead to kids who can become spoiled and consequently, adults who are never content. 
• Andrea has a set of markers we use for homeschooling. This school year, we went to the mall looking to replace her old set (which I have donated to someone else) and I saw a set with double the amount of colors than her previous set for not a whole lot more price. I asked her if she wanted the bigger piece instead (I was convinced it's the best purchase) and what she said shocked some sense into me "No thanks. Why do I need that many colors anyway? I'm happy with my old one". I remembered one thing then. We don't buy things for our kids because we can afford them or because those things are available. We should buy things if they add value to the lives of our kids. 

How about you? How do you teach your kids to value their things? 

7 Steps To Talking to Your Kids About Sex

Growing up in a country like the Philippines, most of us matured never having had "the talk" with our parents. We, the new generation of parents, are better informed and know that talking to our kids about sex can be extremely beneficial, some benefits are:

- You control how little or how much information to give your kid
- Your kids will be more comfortable talking to you about relationships in the future. More communication, more influence.
- You get to instill your family's values into the discussion.
- Studies show that teens who have talked to parents about sex tend to delay their first sexual encounter and when they do have sex, they do so in a safe environment.

- If your kid can talk to you about sex, they will also open up to you about relationships, bullying, abuse, etc.  

So we all want to have this important discussion with our kids, the question in most parents' minds is, "How do I talk to my kid about sex?". I hope to help address this question with these 7 Steps to Talking to Your Kids About Sex.

1. Know Yourself 

It's very important to know just how much or how little you know about sex. Also be clear about your stand on important issues. What are you comfortable discussing with your child at the moment? What are your values?  These will all come into play when you talk to your child.

2. Set the Stage

Setting the stage means educating your child early on by using anatomically correct body parts. Use words like vagina, vulva, anus, penis, breasts, when you are talking to your child. Use these terms casually throughout the day. For example while giving your child a bath  you can say "It's time to wash your vulva". These words are neutral and should not be given any malice.  You can start using the correct terms as soon as your child starts talking.

Photo taken from http://www.christianpost.com/news/talkin-bout-the-birds-and-the-bees-67073/

At around the age of 2-3 would be a good time to talk about the biological difference between the sexes. I would also begin introducing the idea of private parts that can only be touched by your child or the guardian cleaning it or a doctor examining. No one else.

3. Child-led Conversations

All my conversations with my child started with a question from her. I didn't push or sit her down for any unnatural talk, I just waited for openings. Here are some possible openings:

- a pregnant friend
- showing a picture of her/his birth
- pets giving birth

When my daughter asked how babies get inside the stomach of the mother I drew the internal anatomy of a woman (I memorized it from biology class) and I explained that eggs that are fertilized by the sperm settle in the uterine lining (which I drew) and very slowly grow into babies. That's it. No talk of sex just yet.

4. Keep the Answer Simple and Age Appropriate. 

Your answer should only address the question of your child. No need to go into details that are not needed at that time. In order to find out what detail is needed always ask your child "That's an interesting question. Why do you want to know?" or "What do you mean?".  There is no need to go into explicit details unnecessarily. Just answer the issue.

A few months after explaining the fertilization of egg cells in Step 3, my daughter finally asked "How does the sperm get inside your tummy?".  Here's my explanation: "When a grown man and grown woman love each other very much they want to be as close as possible. And one way that people who love each other can be close is by having sex. Sex is when the penis of a man goes inside the vagina of the woman. It fits because God made man and woman perfectly. This is how the sperm gets inside the woman"


5. Input your own morals 

This is where it gets tricky. Our kids will internalize the things that we teach them so teaching them about morality here is very important. I have a lot of relatives who gave birth out f wedlock though so I had to explain it in such a way that she understands the value of sex being done in the context of marriage without being judgmental.

Here's what I told her "Sex is something all adults can do BUT God gave us some guidelines so that we will remain safe and happy. When you are married and you have sex, you are able to enjoy the blessings of God. And when you have kids your kids will enjoy being loved and taken cared of by both mommy and daddy".

We discussed this more than once and we went into different details. This was something I didn't discuss until she was 7.

6. Don't Cram Everything in 1 Go

Talking to your kids about sex is a process. It's something you will have to repeat and review and add to throughout the years. Don't cram it all in one go or you'll be exhausted and your child will probably not understand it all.

7. Set Boundaries

This is something I failed to do and I am trying to teach her now. While sex is something we can openly discuss with each other, it would be great to explain when and where appropriate discussions about sex should take place.

Homeschooling - the Ugly Admin side of it.

A friend from FB asked me some questions that a lot of other have asked me in the past regarding the administrative side of homeschooling. Something I both like and dread. I've been doing this for 3 years and it's only now that I feel I have gotten the hang of it and it doesn't stress me out that much.

Before I go into it, I need to explain that although I am primarily a homeschooling mom, I have a lot of other engagements that take me away from my home.  This means that when I conduct trainings for others, or I do my coaching/counseling and consultancy work, I cannot homeschool. I have had to make provisions for these things.

MASTERPLAN:

At the start of the school year I go through each and every book of Andrea. I divide each book into 4 parts so that I know how much I need to complete per year. I normally front load the schedule because I take into consideration the Christmas period and that my months tend to get hectic when it's the end of the school year as well. Here's a sample of a general Master plan:

• Math  
• Chapter 1 - Addition
• Chapter 2 - Subtraction
• Chapter 3 - Multiplication by 2 and 3
• Chapter 4 - Division by 2 and 3
• Science
• Unit 1 - Senses
• Unit 2 - Senses Working Together
• Unit 3 - Growing and Developing
• Language
• Chapter 1 - Sentences and Personal Narratives
• Chapter 2 - Nouns and Friendly Letters

Monthly Plan/Weekly Plan:

I then break down the Master Plan into 10 weeks. I have 10 weeks because 8 weeks are for the lessons, 1 extra week for any catch-up or overflow and the 10th week for the exams.

When I break things down here I go into detail. In my excel file I specify the dates, when I would have quizzes. And my ideas for projects that could possibly integrate the different subject matters. My project ideas are very malleable though because our projects are ultimately Andrea's ideas.

My excel file looks like this:
1. Columns are labelled as Week 1 - Week 10
2. Rows are subjects.
3. I input the specific topics per cell. I also include ideas like movies, trips, books to help me.


Daily Schedule:

We don't have a daily schedule. Sometimes we homeschool for 4 hours a day. Sometimes 8 hours a day. Sometimes 0 hours a day. It's easy to adjust as long as we don't stray too far from my weekly plan.

Vision Setting Exercise for Kids

When I do OD consultation with organizations, the first thing I ask is what their company's vision is. I ask my personal coaching and counseling clients the same thing. Vision, I believe is very important. The bible says:

"Where there is no vision, the people will perish".
Prov 29:18

Last week, out of the blue, my daughter approached me in a very distraught manner. She was concerned because she said she wasn't sure whether she's really sorry for her sins or she's just scared of getting into trouble. Isn't that such a poignant question? It got me thinking about how to address that.  Then I remembered what we do in OD...vision setting. It means giving your kids an idea of what they can be and then eventually plotting steps towards that goal. 

I decided to design a Vision Setting activity for my daughter in which the whole family participated. Here's how it works:

1. I introduced the concept of "ideal" to Andrea. 
2. We all drew our ideal selves. 
3. We read the Bible verse Luke 2:52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man 
4. We discussed what that meant. We listed the 4 ways Jesus grew (Wisdom, Stature, Favor with God and Favor with Man)
5. We talked about what each meant. 
6. We asked ourselves what it would be like if we grew like Jesus did. 
7. We wrote down our plans on how to grow like Jesus did.We discussed our plans with each other.
8. We explained to her how this should guide her decision making. For example she wants to buy 2 books but she only has money for one. What should be the consideration? (She said what would make her smarter because that's her vision, to be smart and wise)
9. We addressed concerns she had (My daughter's primary concern was her lego. She though that legos don't fit into her vision).
10. And lastly, we practiced her analysis by giving her activities or choices and then asking her how it helped make her grow like Jesus or made her less like Jesus. For example swimming, how does that help? 

See our output from our activity:

We didn't stop with that activity. We kept reinforcing the concept by showing her how the things she does helps her achieve her vision. She was thrilled for example when she realized that attending Sunday school actually helped her improve in all 4 aspects. 

The results of the activity have been extraordinary. She became more conscious about eating healthy. She exerted effort to talk to people. She kept pushing herself in various ways without my prodding. I told a group of ladies that we often underestimate the drive of children. Here, it is apparent that if we show the kids the possibilities...what they can be. They get excited and driven to try harder.
I hope this helps your kids.

BSP's Money Matter for Kids Exhibit - UPDATED

Andrea and I trekked over to Gateway mall to see Banko Sentral ng Pilipinas' roving exhibit called Money Matter for Kids. I have heard of this exhibit in the past but it was situated in Museong Pambata and that was just too far for us (considering I had to go to school myself after homeschooling). So imagine my delight when I saw them setting up in Gateway Mall.

So I asked my daughter to go on stage so I can take her photo
and this is her pose of choice

When Andrea and I got there, my expectations were at an all time low. The place was tiny and was a half-open space in the middle of the mall. I was sure we'd be in and out within 5-10 minutes so we registered and went in.

We had the kindest guide take us around the exhibit and she recommended we start with the history of money board:

Here she is reading the display. Please don't judge
the mismatched clothes, she insisted on dressing herself.

A lot of the written things are a bit too complex for young kids but with parental supervision it is a good jump off point for parents to start talking about money. I simplified some concepts for Andrea.

We then headed to this cool activity where the kids are given paper and asked to shade the paper to reveal the picture of the coin under it.

The exhibit featured various old coins which kids nowadays
haven't seen.

The part I thought would excite her the most was the giant money puzzle.

She did enjoy it, but I think it was too simple for her. 

(Addendum from Andrea - Andrea: It wasn't too simple for me. I just did it fast because the instructions said that the time would run out)
There were lots of photo ops here!

There are also opportunities to learn about the various currencies from different countries.

And a place to learn about ATMs.

The furrowed brows means she is concentrating on
reading the instructions on the ATM. She was a bit
disappointed when no money came out...to be honest so
was I! ;p

The best and most exciting part for Andrea was the shopping area. Here, the kids are given various shopping lists and a budget. They are to find things in the list but have to make sure they stay within budget. They have their own calculator where they can check and see how they're doing and at the end of everything they need to go to the check out counter where they themselves will be the cashiers.

ANDREA HAD A BLAST!! She loved it so much that she and her dad are planning a return trip soon. The exhibit runs till Aug 17 so do try to check it out if you have big kids. =)
(Addendum from Andrea -- Andrea: I really did have a blast!)

Painting Bread with Kids

I talked about a fun activity my daughter and I did over here. I've had a lot of questions regarding the kind of paint I used so I decided to write it here.

Here are the things you would need for this activity:

- Bread
- Condensed Milk
- Food Color (I used Red, Yellow and Blue)
- Various small bowls for each color
- Sticks for mixing each color
- Clean paint brush

1. Put two tablespoons of condensed milk on each bowl.
2. Add four drops of liquid food coloring (I use Mc Cormick) for each primary color (Blue, Red, Yellow)
3. The intermediate colors would require different proportions, feel free to play around with them, we used the following: Orange - 4 drops yellow, 2 drops red; Violet -- 2 drops blue, 4 drops red; Green -- 2 drops blue, 3 drops yellow.
4. Mix the colors together using a stick. If you want the color to be lighter, add a bit more condensed milk...this is art not science. Feel free to play around with the materials.
5.  Get a clean paint brush and start painting your bread.

6. When your bread masterpieces are done. Just toast....and eat!!

Your kids will go crazy with this activity. =)