Material Kids - 5 Ways I Teach My Daughter The Value of Things

Most of my friends see me as a calm mom. And for most parts, that would be accurate. I seldom get mad. I hardly ever shout and it takes a lot to get me upset with my daughter (or with most people for that matter).  I do however, have certain triggers -- things that are sure to spark anger or irritation in me. One is stupidity and the next is when people don't value what they have.

I struggled with the latter when it comes to Andrea. In our quest to not make her materialistic we might have gone a bit too far. Andrea cared very little about material things. She never asked for clothes. She didn't care what her clothes or shoes looked like. She wasn't careful with her books or toys.  For some time I had to figure out how I could teach her the value of money without making her too materialistic. 

Here are some things I did to help Andrea learn about taking care of things and the value of things.

1. I don't replace broken/lost/damaged things right away.

• I make sure that she feels the natural consequence of her carelessness. I went as far as letting her go to class without pencils because she forgot where she placed hers. (She never forgot them again)

2. She earns her money.

• She has an ice candy and candy business that helps her earn. This is the money she uses to buy things I normally wouldn't buy for her like books that don't teach a particular value or magazines.
• She also uses this money to purchase things she needs to replace. For example, she once lost her guitar pick. I refused to replace it (because I have already warned her about keeping that small thing safe) and told her she'll have to buy the replacement if she wanted to replace it. 

3. Smart shopping. 

• I teach Andrea to be mindful of prices. I would sometimes treat her when we are out by telling her "Okay Andrea, today you can spend 100 in this store" (or whatever amount I choose).  She will then scour the store and find something she wants. She also has an option to pass on buying that day and buy a more expensive toy or book next time. 
• The concept of money is very hard for kids to understand because it's abstract so I use concrete examples. For example, we go to 2 bookstores. I show her how 200 pesos can buy her around 5 books in the second-hand bookstore but only 1 (if she's lucky) brand new book from the other bookstore. 
• My proudest moment came when she chose to buy this book. I asked her why and she said "Well I love the Avatar and this book only costs _____ and there are 4 books inside it!" 

4. I avoid duplications. 

• If she already has crayons, then we don't buy another one. No matter how cute. 
• When we receive duplicates we either sell or donate things. 

5. I control myself.

• As parents we are often the biggest instigators for materialism. Because of our love for our kids we shower them with presents and material things that they start losing their value...and what for? To make ourselves feel better? Because we didn't have those things as kids and we want our kids to have them? These reasons are not bad in moderation...but excessively they lead to kids who can become spoiled and consequently, adults who are never content. 
• Andrea has a set of markers we use for homeschooling. This school year, we went to the mall looking to replace her old set (which I have donated to someone else) and I saw a set with double the amount of colors than her previous set for not a whole lot more price. I asked her if she wanted the bigger piece instead (I was convinced it's the best purchase) and what she said shocked some sense into me "No thanks. Why do I need that many colors anyway? I'm happy with my old one". I remembered one thing then. We don't buy things for our kids because we can afford them or because those things are available. We should buy things if they add value to the lives of our kids. 

How about you? How do you teach your kids to value their things? 

7 Steps To Talking to Your Kids About Sex

Growing up in a country like the Philippines, most of us matured never having had "the talk" with our parents. We, the new generation of parents, are better informed and know that talking to our kids about sex can be extremely beneficial, some benefits are:

- You control how little or how much information to give your kid
- Your kids will be more comfortable talking to you about relationships in the future. More communication, more influence.
- You get to instill your family's values into the discussion.
- Studies show that teens who have talked to parents about sex tend to delay their first sexual encounter and when they do have sex, they do so in a safe environment.

- If your kid can talk to you about sex, they will also open up to you about relationships, bullying, abuse, etc.  

So we all want to have this important discussion with our kids, the question in most parents' minds is, "How do I talk to my kid about sex?". I hope to help address this question with these 7 Steps to Talking to Your Kids About Sex.

1. Know Yourself 

It's very important to know just how much or how little you know about sex. Also be clear about your stand on important issues. What are you comfortable discussing with your child at the moment? What are your values?  These will all come into play when you talk to your child.

2. Set the Stage

Setting the stage means educating your child early on by using anatomically correct body parts. Use words like vagina, vulva, anus, penis, breasts, when you are talking to your child. Use these terms casually throughout the day. For example while giving your child a bath  you can say "It's time to wash your vulva". These words are neutral and should not be given any malice.  You can start using the correct terms as soon as your child starts talking.

Photo taken from http://www.christianpost.com/news/talkin-bout-the-birds-and-the-bees-67073/

At around the age of 2-3 would be a good time to talk about the biological difference between the sexes. I would also begin introducing the idea of private parts that can only be touched by your child or the guardian cleaning it or a doctor examining. No one else.

3. Child-led Conversations

All my conversations with my child started with a question from her. I didn't push or sit her down for any unnatural talk, I just waited for openings. Here are some possible openings:

- a pregnant friend
- showing a picture of her/his birth
- pets giving birth

When my daughter asked how babies get inside the stomach of the mother I drew the internal anatomy of a woman (I memorized it from biology class) and I explained that eggs that are fertilized by the sperm settle in the uterine lining (which I drew) and very slowly grow into babies. That's it. No talk of sex just yet.

4. Keep the Answer Simple and Age Appropriate. 

Your answer should only address the question of your child. No need to go into details that are not needed at that time. In order to find out what detail is needed always ask your child "That's an interesting question. Why do you want to know?" or "What do you mean?".  There is no need to go into explicit details unnecessarily. Just answer the issue.

A few months after explaining the fertilization of egg cells in Step 3, my daughter finally asked "How does the sperm get inside your tummy?".  Here's my explanation: "When a grown man and grown woman love each other very much they want to be as close as possible. And one way that people who love each other can be close is by having sex. Sex is when the penis of a man goes inside the vagina of the woman. It fits because God made man and woman perfectly. This is how the sperm gets inside the woman"


5. Input your own morals 

This is where it gets tricky. Our kids will internalize the things that we teach them so teaching them about morality here is very important. I have a lot of relatives who gave birth out f wedlock though so I had to explain it in such a way that she understands the value of sex being done in the context of marriage without being judgmental.

Here's what I told her "Sex is something all adults can do BUT God gave us some guidelines so that we will remain safe and happy. When you are married and you have sex, you are able to enjoy the blessings of God. And when you have kids your kids will enjoy being loved and taken cared of by both mommy and daddy".

We discussed this more than once and we went into different details. This was something I didn't discuss until she was 7.

6. Don't Cram Everything in 1 Go

Talking to your kids about sex is a process. It's something you will have to repeat and review and add to throughout the years. Don't cram it all in one go or you'll be exhausted and your child will probably not understand it all.

7. Set Boundaries

This is something I failed to do and I am trying to teach her now. While sex is something we can openly discuss with each other, it would be great to explain when and where appropriate discussions about sex should take place.

Homeschooling - the Ugly Admin side of it.

A friend from FB asked me some questions that a lot of other have asked me in the past regarding the administrative side of homeschooling. Something I both like and dread. I've been doing this for 3 years and it's only now that I feel I have gotten the hang of it and it doesn't stress me out that much.

Before I go into it, I need to explain that although I am primarily a homeschooling mom, I have a lot of other engagements that take me away from my home.  This means that when I conduct trainings for others, or I do my coaching/counseling and consultancy work, I cannot homeschool. I have had to make provisions for these things.

MASTERPLAN:

At the start of the school year I go through each and every book of Andrea. I divide each book into 4 parts so that I know how much I need to complete per year. I normally front load the schedule because I take into consideration the Christmas period and that my months tend to get hectic when it's the end of the school year as well. Here's a sample of a general Master plan:

• Math  
• Chapter 1 - Addition
• Chapter 2 - Subtraction
• Chapter 3 - Multiplication by 2 and 3
• Chapter 4 - Division by 2 and 3
• Science
• Unit 1 - Senses
• Unit 2 - Senses Working Together
• Unit 3 - Growing and Developing
• Language
• Chapter 1 - Sentences and Personal Narratives
• Chapter 2 - Nouns and Friendly Letters

Monthly Plan/Weekly Plan:

I then break down the Master Plan into 10 weeks. I have 10 weeks because 8 weeks are for the lessons, 1 extra week for any catch-up or overflow and the 10th week for the exams.

When I break things down here I go into detail. In my excel file I specify the dates, when I would have quizzes. And my ideas for projects that could possibly integrate the different subject matters. My project ideas are very malleable though because our projects are ultimately Andrea's ideas.

My excel file looks like this:
1. Columns are labelled as Week 1 - Week 10
2. Rows are subjects.
3. I input the specific topics per cell. I also include ideas like movies, trips, books to help me.


Daily Schedule:

We don't have a daily schedule. Sometimes we homeschool for 4 hours a day. Sometimes 8 hours a day. Sometimes 0 hours a day. It's easy to adjust as long as we don't stray too far from my weekly plan.