Learning How to Play from the Experts

A year or so ago, I gently told my husband that he should try to join Andrea as she plays. I understand that he often tries to play with Andrea by making Andrea do the things he chooses. There is actually a value to this. Fathers teach kids all about cooperative play, and about following other people's rules. On the other hand, there is also value and beauty in playing with your kid by not interrupting their rhythm and just slowly immersing ourselves into their imagined world. You see into their wishes, their fantasies, their fears. You see just how they see you, how they understand family. How they see good and evil. You see all of that in play.

My husband though, is such a manly-man. As much as his heart wants to play with our daughter as she plays with her doll houses, and ponies, and stuffed animals, he just doesn't know how. He told me as much himself so I gave him a tip. I said, the next time you see her playing you can ask her to show you or teach you how to play.

It was a passing conversation and I didn't think much about it. My husband is very intentional about playing with our daughter and he consciously spends time with her teaching her about the bible, and character and about Jesus. I didn't feel the need to nag about that one thing.

One day, I was in school and my husband got home earlier than usual. They ended up playing with her doll houses and ponies. My husband excitedly told me about it when I got home. I asked him how he managed and he said  "I told her: Hon, I really want to play with you but I don't know how to play with this. Can you show me?", not only did my husband get to show his eagerness in spending time with my daughter. My daughter got the experience of being the "expert" at something and showing my husband how to play with dolls (I swear, I wish I could have seen this).

How Can I Improve as a Parent?

Three years ago, I finally got the courage to go and visit CCF? I was born and raised in a Catholic home but unfortunately, I barely exercised my faith. I wanted to try various churches but, at that time, my husband was hesitant as he felt he had a good enough relationship with God and was satisfied with where he was in the Catholic faith.  He eventually agreed to bring me to church and we visited CCF for the first time.

I remember coming in late and standing in the back of the church completely unaware to how they did things. I remember listening to the speaker talk about parenting, how serendipitous that that happened. Parenting was my passion or obsession then. The speaker (I believe it was Pastor Peter Tanchi) would quote things from the bible and talk about how this can be applied in real life. I was hooked.

I learned so many things about parenting from CCF. One of the things I learned which I now regularly do is asking my daughter (and sometimes my husband) how I can improve as a wife and or as a parent. I first started doing this with my husband and to be honest, it's a scary experience. You have to check your ego at the door. You have to humbly accept whatever it is they tell you. You can't argue.

I was sure at that time (my daughter was around 4 I believe) that this process was too complex for my little girl to understand but something in me pushed me to try anyway. The first time I asked her, she said I should play with her more. Then, around half a month after she told me I should listen to her more. She kept telling me to listen to her (which I guess shows I haven't been improving as much as I thought I was) until yesterday when she finally told me something different. Read about it here.

I highly encourage this exercise. We often look at other people and think about how they should change to make us happier, rarely do we turn the mirror over and ask how we can improve. The bonus is that when we improve, the people around us change with us.

Being Intentional in Teaching Contentment

My daughter has very simple needs. Feed her, read to her and play with her and she's happy. We have been trying to make sure she doesn't become materialistic. We generally don't always buy her toys (she has A LOT of toys as gifts) and if she really wants something (like she wanted a bicycle) then she needs to work for it. (she has an ice candy business). 

For her birthday around three months ago she wanted fake glasses. I told her that she had money to spend and she's free to buy them. She chose a pair that costs 75 pesos which were not very cute in my opinion. She was very happy with it though so I let her be. 

Around a week after her purchase I came upon a store which sold the cutest fake glasses for kids and so I wanted to buy her one.  I then told myself "What are you doing Olivia? Your daughter was so happy with one pair of super inexpensive glasses and here you go getting her another one? Why? What value will that bring to her?" I realize that if I buy her another pair, I am training her not to be happy with one thing. Why would I want to do that?

I have since then stopped myself from buying her more things. Sometimes though, I fail the test. Take what happened to us two weeks ago for example. I found out that Andrea's one and only headband (which she lovingly chose) broke. When I say it broke I mean that the flower decoration fell off leaving one thin green band. I looked at it and said "Don't worry honey, we'll go and get you a new one when we go to the mall"

It was an insanely stupid statement. First, she wasn't worrying. She wasn't even sad. She was perfectly content. Why am I offering to buy her something when she didn't even ask for it?

Then what she said blew me away, "Why mom? This one still works. See, I can still wear it." 

I was so happy that my daughter knows the meaning of being simple and of not needing things to be happy. I think I have to be more intentional in teaching MYSELF contentment.

A Mother's Wants

A single friend of mine was chatting with me over Viber about what it's like to have kids. She asked about so many thngs but one thing stood out.

She said mothers have told her in the past that she's lucky to be single as she gets todo what she wants. I disagree with this thinking. I know that what has changed in me when I became a mother is not my own ability to get or do the things I want rather it is my idea of what I actually want.

From enjoying glamorous parties and trips I now look forward to quiet and messy mornings watching movies while snugging in bed. Or finger painting or watching your kids swim or learn a new craft. And i can honestly say that I get more pleasure in these things over the things I used to do.

Glass Water Bottles by Life Factory

I love water. I can drink a whole lot of water in a day. When I was pregnant I was asked to drink 3 liters of water daily (I had Oligohydramnios) and I had no problem doing so. The problem is, I would drink water only when it's within reach. Once the water is a few meters away, I would totally forget about it and spend half a day without even taking a sip of water. It's horrible I know.

For the past two years, I have been obsessing over water bottles. I love having portable cups, portable bottles, etc. The problem is I always, always put other things in these containers. I put coffee, coconut water, lemon water, shakes, etc and all my containers end up smelling and tasting a bit funky after about half a year. Life Factory water bottles solved this dilemma for me.

I found out about Life Factory while watching Organized Jen in youtube. I got curious cause I found the design super cute. The more I read about it, the more I realized just how perfect it is for me. First, it's made of glass which is recyclable (yay, it's good for the environment). Second, because it is made of glass, it doesn't retain flavor and smells from drinks. Third, the silicone wrapping makes it super cute and safe even for kids (the small one's for Andrea). So I loved it in theory already and I went crazy when I found them in Manila.

Here's what makes them great in my opinion:

I like that it has marks on one side showing both liters and ounces. This makes it easier to really keep track of your liquid intake.

I like that a big part of it is clear enough for you to see just how much water you have left. It also helps keeping it clean as you can clearly see if there are any yucky stuff still left.

While the more common model is the kind where you have to unscrew the entire lid to drink, I very much prefer this flip top cover for convenience sake. I must say, I am a bit nervous because it has more moving parts and moving parts are more prone to wear and tear. There have also been some comments/reviews on the flip top model stating that it's prone to leaking but I have not experienced that problem at all.

Lastly, I love the wide open spout which makes cleaning a breeze. Oh, and I can very easily put chunks of ice in as well without any issue.

--0--

All in all I have nothing but love for these water bottles and I believe it's well worth the cost. Fortunately neither my daughter nor I have dropped our bottles so we can't really say if they can withstand such impact but I would say that it's more than enough for the normal wear and tear of our every day life.

Don't Mess with my Chocolate

You will not believe how badly I reacted to the chocolate my husband made me buy. You see, I was buying a particular brand for a certain recipe. It's something I've planned for for some time. I don't usually spend at home but I promised my daughter I'd make some for her and her dad (and of course for myself) this weekend.

I set aside money for it, I asked my husband to drive me to the grocery which sells that particular brand. When we got to the grocery, my husband started telling me to buy a different brand. That brand was on sale but ultimately buying it would still cost more than buying the brand I wanted. I told him no because it might taste different but despite my constant refusal...he kept badgering me until I obliged.

When I got home, I made the "dish" and it tasted different. I was so annoyed it was unbelievable.  I know I was being petty but every single time I tasted the product it got me more and more riled up. I wanted to buy it because I've tried it and I liked it. I was looking forward to it and now I'm so freaking disappointed.

I guess i can forgive a lot of things...but please don't mess with my chocolates. teehee

Positive Spin on a Relationship Funk

We are in a relationship funk. At least I think we are in one. We are not as sweet and loving to each other as we once were. It really doesn't make sense because in general my husband and I see eye-to-eye when it comes to 95% of big issues. We share the same faith, we have similar parenting styles, we don't have trust issues. So we should be so blissfully into each other.

I guess sometimes work gets in the way...or life. Doesn't life sometimes just get in the way?

I spent one night reflecting on our relationship and wondering what we can change. I zoned in on the way we communicate with each other. I realized that our automatic response is to contradict what the other person is saying first. If he says something my response is "No, but....". And he does the same. This is such an automatic thing for us that we don't even know we're doing it. I do know how I feel when he does that to me. I feel competitive and I feel my ego getting bruised. My goddamn EGO.

I have a big ego. I'm trying to whittle it down to a workable size but it's pretty hard. I've been praying to God because my Ego is a source of selfishness and pride and those two things don't lead to good things. In this case, my ego makes me competitive and argumentative. When I'm in that zone I will argue with you till the sun sets and I will net back down until I win. And honestly, what kind of a relationship is that?

I then brought a proposal to him. I told him that I saw our tendency to constantly be negative in our responses to one another and that I propose an experiment seeing how we would always start our statement to the other person in a positive, agreeable way. Here's the funny thing. As I was proposing this and as I was discussing this with him, we found ourselves repeatedly being negative and contradictory to the other. It was an eye opener for sure. We vowed to work on it and touch base after 2 days. Today is the second day. And I am soooo much happier. I feel more loving towards him. I am more open to submitting to him and I am also more aware of how I respond to him.

I can't believe something so simple can have such a profound effect on a relationship.